Dear Job Interviewee,
Please do not offer to shake hands if you have a sweaty, clammy palm. I know you are nervous, but I don't like to get that intimate with you. You can keep your bodily excretions to yourself, okay. And speaking of sweat, if you do tend to smell, please do try and get your hands on some deodorant. Please.
But if I do offer to shake hands, please try not to crunch my bones, can? And don't make out like a limp fish either. Why can't people just do a normal firm but gentle handshake? Surely it's not rocket science.
Do try to be punctual, and please try to leave your mother at home. And that goes for boyfriends and girlfriends too. I really just want to interview you. It's not like it's going to be Buy 1, Get 1 free, right?
When I speak with you, please look back at me, and you know where my eyes are. They are not at my chest.
That chair you are sitting on, well, it's not a rocking chair. So please, do not try to rock it. I have motion sickness just looking at you. Oh and if you have a leg that simply must shake, please try to control that too. I am sure it takes considerable talent to make your leg do 500 shakes a minute, but please, not with me.
And when your handphone rings, can you just ignore the call or keep it short? You are 4 feet away from me. Guess what. I can still hear you whispering sweet nothings. Geli. So hang up. Now.
Try to talk with some enthusiasm. You don't have to be super hyper, but can you at least try not to put me to sleep? Keep it simple and sound interesting. Can?
And you know, if you got mostly C's in your academic transcripts, please don't tell me how hard you studied and how brilliantly you did. I can't keep a straight face that long.
Thank you.
Yours sincerely,
A Job Interviewer
